How Epictetus Helps Us Navigate Hurt and Disappointment

Navigating Hurt and Disappointment: Epictetus’ Guide to Inner Peace

Are you feeling bogged down by the challenges life throws your way? Honestly, who hasn’t felt like the universe is playing an endless game of dodgeball, hurling disappointment and hurt right at us? It can sometimes seem a little overwhelming. But it turns out we might have more control over our responses than we think—an idea beautifully articulated by the Stoic philosopher, Epictetus.

Who Was Epictetus Anyway?

Let’s step back a moment. Epictetus was a Stoic philosopher from ancient Greece whose teachings are surprisingly relevant even today. He was all about the idea that there are things we can control and things we can’t. And here’s the kicker—our pain often comes from our attachment to things outside of our control. So, how do we deal with hurt? Well, according to our friend Epictetus, it’s all about focusing on what we can control, especially our thoughts, intentions, and reactions.

Option C: The Power of Control

So, what does focusing on what we can control actually mean in practical terms? Life is messy, you know? We face disappointments, heartbreaks, and those awkward moments that make you want to crawl under a rock. Rather than reacting impulsively—maybe by seeking revenge or sulking—Epictetus encourages us to shift our focus inward.

Imagine when your best-laid plans fall apart. You might think, "Why me?" But instead of wasting energy on that question, you could ask yourself, "How can I respond effectively?" Shifting focus like that is empowering. It reminds you that you’re in charge of your reactions. You may not be able to change that unexpected setback, but you can adapt your mindset and approach.

But What About Issues Like Revenge?

Now, let’s talk about that search for revenge. It’s a pretty common human reaction. You get hurt, and your instinct might be to retaliate. Epictetus would almost cringe at that notion. Seeking revenge not only conflicts with the ideals of self-control and virtue that Stoicism promotes, but it frequently backfires and deepens our hurt instead of healing it.

Think about it: when you're angry and bitter, you’re actually giving away your power to that hurt. Instead, embracing our ability to control our thoughts gives us the freedom to choose a constructive path, which ultimately leads to personal growth.

Detachment? Not So Fast.

Now, hear me out: there’s also a conversation around emotional detachment. While it seems like a safe zone to ignore our feelings, Epictetus wouldn’t fully endorse this approach either. Cultivating detachment could lead us to neglect the very emotions that deserve our attention. Instead, we shouldn’t shy away from feelings of hurt and disappointment. Addressing them helps us process experiences and, yes, grow from them.

Let’s take a small detour here; think about gardening. A gardener can’t simply ignore the weeds that may choke the life out of a thriving plant. Instead, they face those weeds head-on, pulling them out while still nurturing the flowers. That’s what addressing our feelings is like—acknowledging the hurt but also tending to our capacity for joy and resilience.

Avoidance Doesn’t Equal Freedom

Furthermore, could avoiding painful situations be the answer? The answer is a firm no! Life is inherently unpredictable, and trying to sidestep hardship can be impractical. Navigating through life means encountering all kinds of experiences—both good and bad. Instead of wrapping ourselves in bubble wrap and hiding from the splinters, let’s arm ourselves with awareness and the courage to cope.

It’s worth pondering how often we think we can outrun life’s hardships. You know what? Trying to avoid pain is like trying to dodge an oncoming train. You might think it’s working for a moment, but sooner or later, you’re going to collide with reality.

Taking Responsibility for Our Inner Responses

So why lean into focusing on what we can control? Because this approach leads us to acceptance. When we recognize that there are external factors beyond our influence, we can start to cultivate a healthier relationship with those experiences. It’s about allowing ourselves to ever-so-gently say, “Okay, I can’t change this, but I can control how I react.”

For instance, if you find yourself facing disappointment when a project you poured your heart into doesn’t yield the results you'd hoped for, take a moment—analyze your thoughts. Embrace the relief that comes from understanding that the outcome did not define your worth or effort. This understanding creates a sense of autonomy that can lift you above those waves of distress.

A Local Example: The turbulence of Everyday Life

Around ASU, for instance, students face challenges daily—whether it’s juggling academics, relationships, or job search anxieties. It can be tough! But taking a cue from Epictetus, those same students can apply this principle by focusing on what they can control: their study habits, how they manage their time, or even how they react to feedback. By shifting that focus, they empower themselves to deal with challenges in thoughtful and constructive ways.

Conclusion: Epictetus in Today’s World

So there you have it—Epictetus’ stoic wisdom teaches us that while we can’t change the world around us, we do hold the ultimate power within ourselves. Life is full of twists and turns, and learning to focus on what we can control might be our best tool for dealing with disappointment and hurt.

Next time the curveballs of life come at you, remind yourself: it’s okay to feel upset, but don’t lose sight of the fact that – at the end of the day – your inner responses are yours to govern. And maybe, just maybe, that knowledge will empower you to navigate life’s challenging moments with a bit more grace. What do you think?